Preparing a child for college can be overwhelming, confusing and a bit frightening. I have one son approaching the finish line in his senior year of college and another just starting his journey and entering his sophomore year of high school. One of the most important things I have learned is you never can have enough information and you can’t start preparing soon enough. Honestly you need to be thinking about this when they are in kindergarten and just keep working on it until they are old enough to understand. Make one box for macaroni art and mementos and another labeled “College Prep”. What you cannot do is waiting until they are a Junior and attempt to start to figure it all out. OVERLOAD
For my older son we did OK wading through all the information, but we often got lost and overwhelmed. There were so many sites, classes, brochures and advice. I even paid for a class to help me understand how to prepare. I was lucky enough to have friends who had been through it all and they were able to give me some advice from their experiences but really every child is different and each year there are new things you need to know.
My oldest son knew from 6th grade on that he wanted to be a musician and wanted to go to school for music so that part was easy. He always said he wanted to go to “Berklee College of Music” until of course we went to visit schools in Boston. After seeing campus life in Boston, he realized that was not for him. Ah-ha good thing we planned a lot of visits. He chose a smaller private university that had campus life more suitable to him. I learned my a lot about my son during this process. I learned he had a strong passion for music and he also wanted to be closer to home and thrived more in a smaller community. Once he knew what he wanted, there was truly no stopping him. He made sure he did everything possible to get accepted in his school of choice.
You have to visit schools and you need to see several in order to make an informed decision. Your list should have a variety so your child can be familiar with the options. My younger son is not sure yet what he wants to major in. He is a sophomore so now is the time for him to try out new classes and clubs and see what he may be interested in. My strategy is to gently guide. If I tell him exactly what I think he should do, I know he will do the opposite so I carefully offer suggestions and I ask questions- lots of questions about what he likes. I find driving in the car is the best time to have these informal unplanned “chats” about his future. I learn a lot on car rides. I offer suggestions on what I think his strengths are and what types of careers have those qualities and then just let him think about it. The choice is ultimately his to make. I see my role as one of support not the lead. Our children need to make a choice they will be happy with and we need to give them the tools and resources to get there.
Here are a few tips from a momma who knows and one who is also always still learning:
- Talk- Start talking about college to your kids from grade school on. You just need to make them aware that hard work and preparation are needed to get what they want out of life. Seriously in 5th and 6th grade you should be planting the seed. Big speeches are not needed at a younger age just make them aware about college and what different majors may be offered. Every year add a little more detail to the discussion. My younger son had the benefit of hearing all the conversations with his brother while we navigated through the process so he was aware since grammar school. Many of our family discussions take place at the dinner table so the poor kid had not choice.
- Preparation-Explain what it means to prepare. They need to know what is involved and that schools are choosing them just as much as they are selecting a school. In order to have offers of assistance, grants, scholarships and other offers you need to be desirable. It is not just about good grades. What does your child have to offer? What contributions have they made up until this point? Think about charity work, clubs, volunteering, teams, sports and music.
- Commitment and Participation– This is when they need to get engaged. If they normally just yes you to death let them know that if they don’t participate and take the lead they will not be where they want. You can’t make these decisions for them and if they are not committed to the process then they should carefully think about what they want to do with their future. You also want to discuss financial commitments early. Will they need to take student loads? What does that mean and what can they do to help reduce the costs?
- High School -Game on-From Freshman year on, they should be creating their Success Folder or Brag File.” Make a folder of all of their accomplishments large and small. Did they volunteer; did they lead an activity, work as a camp counselor, tutor other children or win any awards? These items should be filed away to make life easier when they need to start completing applications and writing essays. If you have to paste together the past 3 years from scratch late one night the day before the application deadline with a pot of coffee it is very hard -trust me. You think you will remember but you don’t. Starting the file as soon as they enter high school makes you more organized and makes life easier later on. Plus if you don’t see anything going into the folder you know you need to start creating opportunities to add to it. Let them know that first impressions count. Their image on social media will likely be reviewed. Make sure what they are posting is what they would want their potential college to see. Employers will be checking too, so this is a good time to let them know that first impressions count.
- Visit-It is never too early to visit schools. Schedule as many visits as you can and try to select different types of campuses and locations. You never know what the right fit will be until you see your options. This will be their home away from home for 4 years, invest the time in researching, visiting and asking questions. Take advantage of student shadowing programs. Tours and open houses are great but sometimes your child will learn the most from shadowing a current student. My son was able to spend the day with an upper classman and truly that was what sold him on his college. Sometimes you learn more from a few hours with current students than you do from a hundred brochures and inspirational open house speeches. If the offer it –do it.
- Timeline– Check out the requirements now to get yourself familiar with due dates. You can log to any University or College and see a calendar of due dates for applications and financial aid. Start a notebook or file and list those date. Use this same notebook for when you go visit schools. Senior year and I literally have the same notebook I used when we went to visit his first college. I was shocked to learn how soon you needed to file out the financial aid information (March) and almost missed the deadline. Who knew you need to fill out your tax returns in January to be sure all your data was submitted on time? If your high school offers college fairs, make sure your child attends. If there are prep test opportunities, encourage them to sign up. Have them schedule time with their guidance counselor in their sophomore year just to have a conversation about college. They are a wonderful resource who can really help guide them through the process.
Basically at the end of the day, they need to make a choice they can live with. I encourage my sons to follow their dreams and I see this as the start of their journey into adulthood. I can’t make the choices for them nor can I tell them what I want them to do. I can guide and support them by helping them to be a prepared as possible and offering them the tools they need to succeed. It is heart wrenching to watch as your child waits to see if they have been accepted by their first choice college. The joy you feel when they are accepted is comparable to when they take their first steps as a baby. Like with their first steps, you are excited and scared all at the same time. You want to hold their hand but know they have to do it on their own. It is an amazing journey, be prepared and enjoy every moment. #JourneytoCollege
Some Resources For You:
KapMap:
Website: http://www.kaptest.com/college-prep/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/KaplanSATACT
About the author
40+ mom of two grown sons and working FT in a demanding position. Her passions are family, crafting, and cooking insane amounts of food and entertaining. She coordinates a yearly craft exchange and runs a seasonal holiday Boutique called Boutique In The Barn in CT which has now grown into an annual Winter Wonderland. Tracy believes in raising well rounded young men who know how to handle themselves around the home and out in the world and will not need their wife to wash their clothes or cook dinner!
Leave a Reply