As parents, we inevitably make mistakes from time to time. The important thing is that we learn from them, but one of the biggest mistakes we make but don’t learn from until it’s too late is wishing we spend more time with our children when they were growing up. Missing the formative years, because we had a pressing deadline, or we couldn’t switch that meeting around, can make us feel pretty guilty. And while both parents working is a necessity now, that doesn’t mean that you should spend time with your children any less. So if you are feeling this tangible guilt, what can you do to fix the balance between a career mom and a caring mom?
Remove The Guilt
Firstly, it’s not helpful to feel guilty about the past. You cannot change the past, focus on fixing the present and the future. It can be difficult to get rid of this guilt, but rather than focusing on the negative aspects, think about what your career is doing for your children. For example, are you able to get nicer vacations, or give them better presents? Sure, it might feel better if you can be there for them in person, rather than placating them with a gift, but you need to think about what your role is doing for the family as a whole. It’s because of you that the family isn’t falling apart.
Plan And Prepare
Now, you have to plan everything to the minute, whether this is work meetings, or rushing to pick your kids up from the school gates. If you have to organize everything comprehensively in life, take this approach to structure good quality family time. Planning and preparing your day, inside and outside of your office, means that they are both getting your dedication. If you are constantly trying to think of ways to be more productive in work, you can spend more time with your children, think about how you can do this at home too. The temptation can be to come home, put your feet up, and not do anything because you’re so tired. But does this mean you’re having good quality time with the kids? It might be something as simple as getting a bit more time with them in the mornings. You might usually be too busy preparing your kids lunches so you’re not able to sit down and have breakfast with them. Instead, start the night before. The same can be said of your working day. It seems for many of us now, our working week starts on Sunday night. So if you can take 15 or 20 minutes to prepare your working day the night before, or at least read a few emails, this will give you more time in the grand scheme of things. Yes, your children might think that you are overworking, because you are checking your emails at home, but if this means you can leave work earlier on a Friday, they will feel the benefit.
Don’t Waste Time
Arguably the biggest lesson we can all learn from what we do in our jobs is that we can waste a lot of time at work and at home. It’s at this point where you need to really think about your priorities in life. Setting time limits when it comes to checking emails or making phone calls is something that’s beneficial, and even work methods like the Pomodoro technique could keep you focused, especially if you are having one of those frazzled days in work. Although you might want to have a good working relationship with your coworkers, you need to minimize distractions wherever you can, in which case it’s about working smart, rather than working hard. We spend a lot more time on our career working our fingers to the bone, doing late nights, to the detriment of everyone we love. Instead, use what you have at your disposal, and aim to get a bit more flexibility in life by being a bit smarter in how you work. For example, you could use the 5% solution, where leaving work early once every couple of weeks can benefit your sanity, but also, it’s likely the boss won’t notice and only works out as a 5% loss of your time.
Speak To Your Boss
Sometimes it’s as simple as speaking to your employer to see if things can be moved around to accommodate you better. If you’ve been with the organization for a long time, they have seen what you’ve done for the company, so they should do a little bit more for you. There is no harm in asking. Working from home one day a week is a very common solution now because of issues like childcare, and it’s great for many working parents because they can start their day earlier, as well as avoid the dreaded commute. And if your employer has seen how good you are, and you still want to progress further up the ladder, then they will invest in your progression. It can be harder if you want to pursue additional education, but now, with courses being available online, you can do this from home. There are many business studies courses around, from an engineering management program online, to the most niche of business processes, from decision-making to marketing, and even sustainability. If your employer values you, then they will work around your needs for the benefit of your progression and for the business. We can feel that we shouldn’t ask about these things from time to time, for fear of it compromising our sway in the organization. But if you don’t ask, you don’t get, and if your home life is suffering as a result of you working unsociable hours, or your workload is too much, then it’s time to redress this balance. The trick in ensuring that you get what you need is to sell it to your employer, and show how this would benefit the business. Instead of you saying that you will work from home because it’s easier, by saving your commuting time, meaning you’ll be able to get that report in earlier, is music to their ears.
Have A Backup Plan
Issues in work can mean we are unable to pick our kids up from school, or maybe the babysitter gets sick, but whatever happens, you need to have a plan B in place. The best way to save yourself more drama, especially when life is very busy already, is to have an abundance of plans in place. Have these backup plans ready, but also make sure that you rehearse them. Always have an overnight bag packed for your child, just in case they need to spend time at their grandparents. You can’t underestimate the amount of stress that not having a backup plan would have on the whole family. If you feel like you are struggling to keep everything together without a backup plan, everything can fall apart very easily. By having contingency plans in place, you won’t feel as stressed, and so you will focus better on your work as well as your family.
It is one of the biggest balancing acts in life, and you want to see your children grow up, but as life goes on, and those immediate tasks present themselves, such as those reports, the important things in life can end up being on the back burner. While it’s all about that work-life balance, it can be very difficult to achieve now. So if you try a few of these approaches, you should make the balance between being a career mom and a caring mom.
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