Often people say to me, “You’re such a young grandmother!” Yes I am, considering I had my first child at 16 years old and she had a baby at 24 (which is an average age) I became a grandmother at 41.
People often have lots to say about being a teen mom because we’re young, most likely we had to drop out of school, we’re not married, and we probably have a job at McDonald’s. All of this was true for me, and add in my support system which was incredible. I lived at home with my mom, and my grandparents, aunts, and uncles also lived either downstairs, upstairs, or around the corner. Not to mention my cousins and close family friends who were also a part of my support system. My mother didn’t let me quit school and go on state welfare, but rather advised me not to give up going after my dream of becoming a cosmetologist and one day opening my own salon. I signed up for cosmetology school, involved the family to babysit during school hours, and did any homework while my baby slept. Once graduated, I worked part time so I could build my career and still raise my baby. When my daughter was two she was able to go to nursery school during the week and my husband (not husband at the time) would stay over on the weekend so I was able to work almost full time. When my daughter was 4, my husband and I were able to get our own apartment and live as a “normal” family. I’m still figuring out what exactly a normal family is.
So why tell you all this? I’m so tired of people saying teenagers ruined their life by getting pregnant. Does this mean I think its ok for teens to have children? NO, but I think telling them after the fact that their lives are ruined is a lie. To tell them they’ll need to work very hard and to find a good support system is what we should be doing! If a single 30 year old woman got pregnant, would you say this about her? Do you think it would be any easier for her? If she lost half her salary to pay child care, she would also be struggling.
I strongly feel we need to drill in our children’s head to finish school, go to college, get a job, then if they’d like to settle down and have a family, go for it. This should be started at a young age. Having children after their married should also be drilled into their head. I was raised in a single parent household and my children were not, so I know a little about what’s better. Before you get crazy on me that a single parent can raise a great kid too and blah blah…… I’m NOT talking about situations with abuse, if a parent takes off, or any circumstance that can’t be changed. What I’m saying is what values should be taught to a child and it IS easier when there are two parents. As parents we should be teaching our kids to say NO to sex before marriage.
During the No to sex before marriage talk is when we would bring up getting pregnant not to mention all the diseases that can ruin their life or worse, kill them. Prevention is the best defense!
As we know, shit happens. There will be teens who will get pregnant. It’s sad yes, but it’s not the end of their world. They now have to work harder. They need to hear the facts and they need lots of support and guidance from family and friends. There are so many programs to help…..HELP….don’t let them think these programs are their life career. If they have a plan they will have a way to be self sufficient without the help of government.
Here’s some tips on creating a life plan with your pregnant teen:
- STAY in school – if they can’t for medical reasons, they should finish via adult ed or online
- Get help- Apply to all the state programs for help with medical, financial, daycare, etc (This is temporary)
- Go to college or a trade school – (The state programs should be helping with daycare)
- Reach out to family and friends to see if anyone can pitch in to help with childcare while she’s in school or at work
- Let her be the mom- We all ask our moms for help and all moms give their opinions. Unless it’s something that will harm the baby let her be the mom. This may be harder if she’s living with you and hopefully she is.
- I’m hoping the baby’s dad is in the picture. If he is, get him in on the plan as I’m sure he’s scared too. He can pitch in just as much though it may be a little hard for him if he lives at home with his parents.
- Talk to the other grandparents and get them involved. They’re a part of this family too!
- Help her have “Me Time” – Any mom, no matter how old needs Me Time. It’s ok if she goes for a mani once a week. Her and the dad should be doing a date night with no baby to keep their relationship growing strong in hopes that they’ll be raising this baby together.
- Give encouragement – Children always need encouragement, let her know she’s a good mom and don’t forget to encourage dad
- Be forgiving and flexible- There is no one size fits all. Every situation will be different, the key is to get all parties to come up with a plan that’s best for baby!
Never say to your child- “Your life is over!” “Now what are you going to do”. You may be disappointed, she didn’t follow your life path that you had planned when she was born but she will bloom into a wonderful mom and raise grandchildren that you will treasure more than anything in the world.
I can only hope that neither of my boys get anyone pregnant before they have a chance to live and experience life. I can’t imagine having a baby at such a young age.
Robin the scary thing is, nowadays boys need to be careful too, there are crazy girls out there. I think it’s harder today to teach no sex before marriage because society itself makes it ok, promoting it.
Great article Rachel
Thanks Bruce!!!
Great points 🙂
this is a great article and givs us a lot of good talking points
So many need to read this – great info! 🙂
Thanks Jamie!
I hope that I will not be in that situation. However it is always good to be prepared.
Great article!
Just the thought of one of my children becoming a teen parent makes my heart ache. Of course I would support them no matter what, but I want them to enjoy their younger years and have fun!
I agree, it is scary.
I couldn’t agree more. I have a similar story to you and I still went to college and my life was not ruined, but I still do fear my teen following in my footsteps which I don’t want, but I know it’s not the end for him.
When my girls finished school we celebrated!! So I understand your worry. We don’t want our kids to have it as hard as us! You’re a wonderful mom!
I’ve known so many people who got pregnant as teenagers. Staying in school is so important for them, even though it’s a lot harder.
I teach an Early Childhood Education class at a high school. Technically it is for high schoolers that want to become teachers in the future. But many students take it to learn about babies. We address teen sex, pregnancy, infants, and what it takes to care for them. I get many pregnant students. I agree that they need to be encouraged to continue their education to give their child the best future.
I love that there’s classes like these. We had to go to a special school because we weren’t allowed in school
I adore my children, grandchildren and my first great grandson. Yes, was teen pregnancy and no would not change a thing.
When it all works out, it’s nice when you have so many generations enjoying each other! My grandfather is still alive so we’re at 5 generations!
This is very well said and true, teen [regnancy does NOT ruin your life. It changes your path.
Thanks Gina!
This is great information. There are so many teenagers who drop out of school because they’ve become pregnant. I am going to share this with people on G+ because it’s great information.
Thank you Mary!!
I know many people who become teen parents. Just because one is a teen parent doesn’t mean they won’t succeed in life! I know many teen parents who have jobs and their own place!
So true! I get sad when I hear about the teen moms who are kicked out of their house because the parents are mad.
Having a good support system in place is lucky/amazing. I’m happy to hear you did, I think that’s wonderful!
Thanks Rosey! I consider myself very lucky and appreciative. I love my Village!
I too am a young grand mother of 4. I also raise my youngest. I was 19 when I had my son…I don’t encourage it at all!!
I would never encourage it. My daughter got engaged at 19 and married at 21, everyone said they were too young. I said many people were married at a young age and lasted forever as long as they knew it was work and they weren’t going into it thinking they can just walk away. They are stronger than ever but it’s not for all
I was a teen mom too, 16, wasn’t married at the time. My mom was upset, but very supportive in the way that she didn’t encourage me to have an abortion or to give the baby up. I have never regretted getting pregnant, but have always regretted not trying harder to finish school.
Did you ever finish? It’s NOT too late. I’ll totally support you!!!
Good tips for teens here. We are raising our daughters to abstain until marriage, but if one of them did get pregnant- we would support them in every way possible.
Linda You’re a great mom!!! It’s soooooo hard to tell them to abstain and yet make them understand you’re there for them. We’re not naive but it doesn’t mean we have to promote it
Such a blessing that you had a great support system. I think as a whole we should all be supporting each other more.
I was very lucky. I had friends who didn’t have the support and had it way harder than me. Happy that we all turned out ok
One of my best friends became a grandmother at 33. It’s crazy to thing that we’re not even 40 and she now has 2 grandkids. We’ve gone out with my toddler and her toddler grandchild in tow and it blew my mind.
My kids were always the oldest and my grandsons are the same age as my niece. It is crazy. What’s crazier is I let my grandsons get away with everything- they are angels though LOL
PS. Not crazy in a bad way, but crazy as in we are so young. My mom was a grandmother in her 30’s too, but I never thought about it, because we weren’t buddies hanging out. A lot of women do want to be young moms (in their 20’s)
I got ya! My grandmother was young and my mom was a teen. When my girls got through high school it was a special moment for me, my mom, and my grandmother- the 3 of us celebrated that we finally broke the cycle. It was a huge deal LMAO (We’re crazy)
I love this post, we all need to open up this topic a lot more. Because it can happen to anyone. Glad you are sharing this important subject and ways to handle it or try to stop it from happening in first place.
Thanks Brandy! It is an important topic for me. Thanks for stopping by!
My mother had my sister as a teenager in the 50’s. I wish she had more choices back then.
That was a hard time. Your mom must be a strong woman!
I too was a teen mom at 15. I had a great support system and I was able to finish school. We actually have a vocational school locally so I was able to go there my junior and senior years of high school where I learned a trade and have had a great career.