So, you’re having a baby for the first time – congratulations! It’s a magical time, but you might also be going out of your mind with worry. After all, there is nothing more visceral than being entirely responsible for a baby’s life, and it’s an incredible responsibility as well as a gift.
By this stage, I assume, you will have been through dozens of parenting books, read blogs by new moms, and engaged in many online forums. You may be attending parenting classes, or have regular meetings with friends that are already moms, who are eager to give you their take on baby-rearing and child-raising. And, there is no doubt that your head is swimming with contradictions – one expert says ‘do this,’ while another says ‘do that.’ Too much information? You bet.
So, aside from the excitement, fear, and trepidation, above all else, you might just be plain old confused. But don’t panic – you are in the same situation as every other expectant mom, and your expectations will be nothing like the real thing, anyway. With this in mind, I’ve put together some practical tips for new parents, which includes preparing you for the kind of earthy, realistic things that will, no doubt, occur. Read on to find out more!
No mom is perfect
We all have friends who seem to float through pregnancy, never put any extra weight on, and have kids who behave perfectly. They will have oodles of advice to give, and they will give it with an almost unbearably smug delivery. Don’t be fooled, however. I can guarantee that they will be struggling just as much as everyone else, and their confidence is a sham. Or, that sweet-hearted little Jemima is going to turn out to be a brat beyond belief later on down the line. Every mom will have dark times with their children at some point, so don’t always believe what you see and hear.
Your life isn’t over
Having a baby is a life-changing experience, of course. But if anyone tells you that your old life is over is exaggerating. As long as you have a partner who is willing to step up the plate, you will still have the chance to catch up on sleep, even if your little one wakes up through the night. Afternoon and mid-morning naps will be frequent – and welcome. You will still have a certain amount of freedom, too, and you’ll get your nights out with the girls and the odd shopping trip. It’s your second child that is the real game changer – then, your life really is over. Ask any parent with more than one child, and they will tell you that having more than one is where the pain starts to kick in!
Your baby is more resilient than you think
Babies need a lot of care and attention, of course. When you first see them, they are fragile little creatures, and it appears that they will break easily. But they are a lot tougher and more resilient than you think. Many new moms are frightened of picking their newborns up the wrong way, or lack confidence they are holding them incorrectly. However, the simple truth is that hundreds of thousands of years of evolution mean babies can withstand the nervous fumblings of a new parent. Obviously, you should always take care to support a baby’s head, but even the odd little head roll won’t cause any more damage than a sharp scare. I’m not suggesting you should throw your baby around like a rag doll, of course, but don’t be afraid to pick them up and be tactile. They won’t break easy, and you will soon find the confidence – it’s a natural progression.
Forget about your ideals
At this point, you will have a lot of wonderful ideas of how you are going to raise your child. They will be reading by the time they are two years old, mastering the piano by five, and won’t see a TV screen until they are teenagers. There will be arts and crafts every single day, and they will eat wonderful, home-cooked food for every meal and snack. You will only buy them wooden toys, handmade by your local master carpenter, and you will promise yourself that you will never, ever lose your temper. Well, I’ve got news for you – all of that can go out of the window. Your kid is going to love the horrendous plastic toys you hate. The TV will become a necessity, for your sanity’s sake. And there will be many, many fights – maybe until your children leave the family home, but, most likely, until they are well into their thirties.
Going anywhere will terrify you
Taking your newborn out into the world for the first time is a genuinely terrifying experience. Everything looks different to how you remember it, and you will see threats at every corner. You will be acutely aware of the precious little life in your stroller, and there is a good chance you will feel like staying in, bolting the door, closing the curtains, and hanging tight for the next 18 years. Getting into the car is even worse. As the Baby Travel Made Easy blog points out, even the prospect of a road trip for a few hours – or more – will be enough to send you into a panic. My advice? Don’t go anywhere until you have to. Take your time, take it slow, and go at your own pace. Even if you only make it down to the end of the street and back, that’s OK – it’s all practice. And once you realize your baby is robust enough to take anywhere – even on a plane – life should get back to normal pretty quick.
Stock up on cloth diapers
Cloth diapers and baby wipes – you will need as many as you can store in your home. Even if you use the disposable variant of diapers for number ones and twos, they come in incredibly handy for the inevitable oral expulsions that every baby has. And they have a lot – whether it’s vomit or dribbling an extraordinary volume of saliva – both of which will ruin your clothes. They will never look the same if you don’t have the protection of cloth diapers, and when you take your baby brain into consideration, you will save yourself numerous incidents of embarrassment when bumping into friends and acquaintances.
Accept help – even if you don’t need it
First-time moms are all guilty of wanting to do everything for their newborns, and they take on a lot of responsibility. It’s a natural behavior, of course, but if you get the offer of help, I urge you to take it. You are best equipped to look after your baby when you are fit and healthy, and any chance of rest will help you recharge your batteries and be a better mom. I know a lot of new parents that turn down help but end up close to exhaustion later on down the line. And you also have to bear in mind that postpartum depression is a serious issue that can creep up on you when you aren’t expecting it. Yes, it’s your baby, but running yourself into the ground doesn’t do either of you any good. And don’t forget, socializing your child with other adults – and children – is an important part of their development.
Do it your way
Finally, you will receive endless advice and ‘helpful’ tips from everyone under the sun – including me. Just nod, smile gratefully, and the second you get home, carry on doing things your way. Unless, of course, the advice comes from a qualified healthcare professional.
Good luck with the little one – let me know how it goes!
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