Keep your kids safe with a code word or phrase. Good habits will help you answer these questions.

Should I let my kids go to a house if I don’t know parents?

At what age are play dates ok unattended by mom?

The first and most important thing is Trust Your Gut! Second thing is, every child is different. Lastly, there are pros and cons to everything.

1. Make your house the “Hang Out Place”

I thought about this the day my kids went to preschool. having your house as the hang out place means lots of noise, mess, and plenty of drinks and snacks. It also means you get to know all the kids and eventually the parents. Invite the parents in when they’re dropping off and picking up the kids and chat a bit, build a relationship with them.

*Always make sure to ask if the children have any allergies and make sure to exchange home phone and cell numbers- the other parent is probably nervous leaving their kid at your house unattended too.

2. The kids go to another house

Even though my house was the hang out place, my kids still went to their friend’s house on occasion. If it’s your child’s first time there, walk into the house and chat for a few minutes. Take a look around and access the environment. Don’t judge on a messy house or dirty dishes because you know darn well that having kids means mess. If you see 5 empty vodka bottles by the garbage, that may raise a flag. Exchange numbers and ask that they remind your child to call you (even if they’re only there an hour, have your child call you)

3. Create habit

I consider this one of the most important habits you can teach your child. As I said above, have your child call you. When they’re younger, they may need help to remember so ask the parents to make sure your child calls you. If you don’t get a call, you call them. This is your check in time. Ask him questions and you’ll know by the sound of their voice if they’re having a good time. When calling becomes a habit at a young age, it will give you peace of mind and you’re saving yourself arguments when they’re teens! **NOTE- My girls were so used to calling me that when they went to college, I received phone calls at 2am from them telling me they just got in or they were at a party. This is when I let them know they did not need to check in with me although I appreciated the wake up call letting me know they were at a college party, now I would be able to have a sound night sleep (insert sarcasm here)

4. Code Word

This will be one of the most important rules you put in place. Again you start this at a young age and you need to practice it. A code word or phrase will save your child embarrassment or more and will give you peace of mind. To understand why it helps your child think back when you were a pre-teen or teen. Let’s face it, there’s tons of peer pressure. Your child may be in a situation and may “feel funny” saying I need to leave because this is about to become a bad situation. Maybe your child is strong and they would never “follow” along because you taught them well but why wouldn’t you still have a safety net in place. Remember every child is different and so is every situation.

Here’s the scenario: There’s a bunch of kids together, someone brings alcohol and it’s 8:30. Your child is 15/16 and supposed to be sleeping out or just hanging at someone’s house until 11pm. Everyone knows that Mary doesn’t have to be home until 11 so they have over two hours to party or worse. She’s supposed to be sleeping out at Kim’s but Kim’s mom goes to bed at 10. Mary doesn’t want to drink or join in. She calls you “to check in” Remember you already created this habit and all her friends are used to her calling you because she does it every single time they’re all out. When she checks in with you, she says the “Code Word or Code Phrase” Make it simple and as if it would go into a real conversation. It can be something like her saying…… “What Do You Mean I have To Come Home?!” When she says that you know she wants to come home. At that point you DO NOT ask further questions – her friends may be right there listening. You simply reply, YES, I forgot that we need to do Blah Blah in the morning. To make it real, she can argue with you or whine to you…. But Mom, you already said I could sleep out …blah blah. Again keep the convo real. “I’m sorry Mary, I was actually going to call you now because I have to come get you right now!”

Get it? She can now hang up and complain about you coming to get her and her friends will never know the difference. Once you get her, you can ask the questions. If she’s giving you the code word or phrase, don’t hesitate in leaving right then to get her. Whether the reason small or large, she needed her mom or dad to get her out of the situation.

5. Don’t be Niave

We can teach our children well, but always have an out for your child. Not only will your child know that you have their back but they aren’t forced into a situation and will learn how to leave when things aren’t how they should be. Create good habits when they’re younger. Don’t wait until their teens and try to implement rules. Pick your battles wisely because there will be a lot.

Parenting is the world’s toughest job with constant on the job training!