Note: Please do not do ANYTHING that I’ve just written about in this post. I can tell you from first hand knowledge that it’s not only NOT FUN, but it’s VERY painful and a long haul to repair.

Do you want to break your wrist? Of course, you do! Why wouldn’t you? It’s a great way to get attention and sympathy from everyone around you. Plus, it’s really easy to do! I did it a couple of weeks ago, and now I’ve had surgery, have PT, more surgery, more PT…and on and on.

Here are my tips to ignore:

Find a hard surface to fall on, like concrete or asphalt

Are you considering rearranging your living space? Before you can upgrade your décor and make yourself more comfortable, make sure you’ve got the basics covered – such as making sure at least one hard surface is always available for a potentially messy, impromptu fall. I recommend tile or hardwood, or even better – concrete or asphalt as the best options, as they provide that extra bit of OUCH if you happen to stumble clumsily enough. Don’t worry about potential floor stainings either – with a hard surface like concrete or asphalt, there’ll be no evidence left behind! Any way you look at it, it’s an essential element in any well-crafted fall.

Make sure you land on your wrist and not your hand or arm

We all remember being cautioned to follow the classic rule of falling: “Make sure you land on your wrist and not your hand or arm.” Well, while it seems sage advice when we talk about a playground slip-up, the same principle can’t be applied everywhere. From interpretative dance to competitive diving, some moments require an unexpected flop that may involve wrist-free grips. All of which is to say that if you’re doing something dangerous – or even more mundane – then get creative with your landing and think outside the box (or brace yourself for impact).

Try to fall from as high up as possible for the best results

If you’re looking to get the most out of your next thrill-seeking activity, then why not aim high and attempt to fall from as high up as possible? Sure, a couple of feet off the ground might be a bit of a rush for some people, but who are we kidding? For true adrenaline junkies, the real fun comes from leaping from the highest perch imaginable. That way you can make sure that your feet leave the ground with maximum strength, resulting in a truly breathtaking experience – whether it ends well or not is another matter entirely. So if you want to make every second count, it’s time to take that plunge and fly as high as you can!

If you don’t break your wrist the first time, keep trying until you succeed

If ‘practice makes perfect’ holds true, then how come some of us still haven’t been able to break our wrists despite countless attempts? Mustering up all the strength, courage and commitment dialed up to 11 we make that fateful swing again and again – with diminishing returns. Instead of finding ourselves triumphant with a fractured wrist, we instead find ourselves walking away sore, exhausted, and perhaps even more determined. Here’s to hoping that if you don’t succeed the first time, keep trying — maybe your wrists are made of steel!

Once you’ve broken your wrist, go to the hospital for treatment

Breaking a wrist isn’t the highlight of anyone’s day, but have no fear: if you’ve taken the precaution of otherwise strapping your arm down to the side of your body, a trip to the hospital is only a car ride away! In addition to treating your broken bone, hospitals are also likely to provide you with some gracious medical advice about how best to avoid breaking it again. So there it is: an afternoon getaway and a lesson in bone maintenance all at once!

So there you have it, aspiring daredevils: remember these five easy tips if you’re looking to break your wrist. The best way to do it is definitely to practice at home until you succeed, but always keep your safety in mind 😉

Taking the plunge can be scary, but the golden reward of a cast and the respect of your peers will be worth it in the end. So go forth and break that wrist! Be safe, be smart, and just remember: when life gives you lemons (or pavement), make lemonade — broken bones with style.

In all seriousness, I had no intention of breaking my wrist or ANYTHING when I took that fall. I learned very quickly just how long the healing can take and how difficult and painful a break like this can be. Please be cautious, look where you are going, and when all else fails, if you do fall, fall on something soft that WON’T result in a break of any kind.

FYI, I did NONE of the things above, but yes, I do have a broken wrist.

Since you can’t sign my cast in person, I’d love it if you’d leave your cast-signing skills in the comments.