Your baby is now a senior in high school, you’re so excited for them but yet you’re sad because you can’t get the picture of their first day of kindergarten out of your head. Where did the time go and why did it go by so fast? This year is the leap from living under “my roof” to being on their own. This is when you will question yourself: Did I sink all the important information about life far enough into their head? Can they really live on their own? Will they survive college without mommy? Will they remember to eat?
These are just a few questions that will start to enter your mind as college gets closer. No matter what I say or what advice you’re given, it’s going to be an adjustment for you and your child.
Help yourself and help them! Let’s talk sex, drugs, and rock & roll!
By this time you shouldn’t be helping them with their homework and they’re already responsible for everything that is needed for school. If you’re still helping them fill out forms, reminding them about assignments, or any other school activity, you need to STOP NOW!
Curfew: During the school year it’s good to still have a curfew, however, making it later will help them learn that if they come home at the curfew, they still have to get up and have a long day at school. We had a curfew of 12:00am (Nothing good happens after 12)! We were willing to bend the curfew on the weekends if they were doing something (like movies, bowling)
Phone Calls: They still needed to call me and tell me where they were going and who they were with (especially if they were in a friend’s car) I simply explained, I wasn’t trying to micro manage their life but if they didn’t come home or something happened, I wanted to be able to have info to give the police. **Tip** When they called to say they were going somewhere else from the original spot, I simply said, “OK, thanks, having fun?” I kept conversation very brief so they wouldn’t dread calling me because I would keep them on the phone for 15 minutes (which can be a lifetime when you have to be home in 45 minutes) This also builds trust and should really be started when they’re younger.
Drinking: There’s very few children that haven’t tried a drink away from home. The trick of being a parent and saying Don’t Drink and having a safety net in place is very hard. We as parents can’t put blinders on or we hurt our children. We had a strict rule of no drinking and driving!! No driving with someone who had one sip of alcohol!! Make sure they know you are very serious about this because it could be life or death! The rule was, should they get in a spot where they drank or someone they were with drank, they would call. We would go pick them up, no questions asked and no punishment. If they called, they were being responsible and making the right choice. Should they be drinking under 21? No, but I’ll take a call from them over a cop any day! You may be saying, this is outrageous and parents shouldn’t be condoning drinking. Let’s talk facts: When they get to college, they will have more access to alcohol than your local package store, they will have more peer pressure than ever before. I say teach them how to be responsible but also let them know how not to get to the “stupid drunk” limit. ** Tip** Watch a couple shows with them like Party Heat on truTV or G4’s Campus PD. Let them see first hand what stupid drunk looks like and what kind of trouble they could get into. This also goes hand in hand with the phone calls and gives you an in to have a conversation about drinking.
Drugs: There is no bending here. Drugs kill! You still need to have trust with your child. Should they ever do something stupid and try something they need to be able to come to you. It’s scary but many parents have dealt with this. We are always the first to say, “Not my kid” but let’s not be naive, it can happen to any one of us. In college there will be plenty of opportunity to try drugs. This is where you need them to know it’s unacceptable.
Tattoos: Once they are 18 years old, they can get a tattoo without our permission. Most kids go to college at 18 but some start at 17. If your baby has been talking about a tattoo for a while or starts talking about one in high school, don’t just say no, you need to talk about it. There’s a couple rules about tattoos. What do they want? Is it something that would hurt their career? How long have they wanted this particular tattoo? Has it been a year or a month? We are a tattoo family and I was still against my daughters getting them. They were finally allowed to get it the summer before they left for college. My oldest was 17, 4 months shy of 18 and my younger daughter was just 18. My husband who has many tattoos took both of them when they were ready. We didn’t want them to be off at college and have some guy we didn’t know doing it. We also made the rule that if they got it, they were not to get anymore while away. If your child is serious about a tattoo and you or your husband doesn’t know anything about them, you should ask a friend or family to help in this area.
Letting Go: This is the time when you have to start letting go and letting them make their own choices. Isn’t it better that they start while you’re right there to help fix it? And believe me, you will become a fixer. Remember when they started to walk? They would start to take a few steps, you would let go but hold your hands right by them to catch them should they fall. Eventually you were able to pull your hands away and you watched them walk across the room alone. Same thing, only now they’re walking down the road of adulthood.
Teach them, don’t do it for them! Trust them and let them trust you! They will make you proud!
What are you most worried about?
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