When you are in the position of having a family, one of your biggest concerns will be how the brand new Daddy-to-be is going to take the news. If you were planning this for your family, you might choose to let him know in a cute way but more than anything, it’s vital that you realize that your partner is going to take to parenthood differently. The father of the child doesn’t bond with a baby in the exact same way as a mother does. They do bond with their baby, but a mother feels the kicks and is the first ever heartbeat a baby will listen to.
Still, knowing that the dad to be in your life will be equipped with the right knowledge will really help you to make this new parenting gig feel so much better. Letting him know that he has a big job on his hands is nice, but it’s going to be overwhelming for both of you. You will both be learning how to be parents, and giving the new dad to be the tools he needs for success will help to make sure that he feels like a part of the process, too. Becoming a Dad is likely going to be one of the biggest events in his entire life, and making the most of any time he has off work will be the first thing to discuss. Before his friends pat him on the back with a Cohiba Siglo VI Cuban Cigar to have after the baby is first born, he needs to read as much information as possible into what comes next. Time off for your partner when the baby is born is the most precious time you will ever get together. This is the time to bond, to become a family and it’s the time you don’t have visitors around to interrupt this new cocoon you have together.
There is a lot to learn about being a parent, but if you’re going to be going through the intense emotions of parenting and the lack of sleep (which can feel never-ending, by the way!), you want to both be as equipped as possible to ensure that your venture into parenthood will be the best it can be. As a new Dad, he’s going to be as overwhelmed, overworked and scared as you are while being intensely in love with the new baby. It’s a lot, and with the tips below, the Dad to be in your life is going to be ready for this new job, this new purpose and this new love. Let’s take a look at tips directed at Daddy!
Get your hands dirty
From the very beginning, you are going to need to muck in. While your partner is pregnant, you need to get stuck into the housework, help when she’s throwing up and feeling rubbish and once a human being attempts to exit her body, you need to be ready. Birth is going to be a lot of pressure and pain on her body, so you need to be ready with the snacks, the drinks, the towel to the head, to take the swearing and any squeezing on your hands. You have to be ready for the diapers and the night feedings – even if she breastfeeds. Bring her water, a snack, ask if she needs anything while she’s feeding the baby. This is going to be an important job because not only will you be bonding with your baby, you’re creating a family and a feeling of safety. If you don’t know how to change a diaper, grab a doll and learn. If you don’t know how to bathe a baby, ask for help and learn. As a Dad, people expect you to take a back seat (society sucks, we know) but you don’t have to. Get your hands dirty, Dad, you’re a parent now.
Get to know your baby
It’s a common misconception that a Dad is useless when a newborn comes along. Yes, you have no milk-filled breasts to feed the baby, however, you do have two hands and the ability to dance, hold, play, bathe and change your baby. Your child is going to give you signs and cues that they are unhappy, so learn what these are and how to respond to them. It’s not just up to the mother of your child to respond to the cues that your baby gives you both. You will then be better equipped to work out what your child needs and you can respond better as a result. Responsive, gentle and attachment parenting isn’t just for mothers.
Get on board with the mother
Before your baby is born, before they are bigger than a speck in the magic space dust of the world, you guys need to talk. You have a baby on the way and ideally, you have shared values and parenting concepts together before. If you haven’t, now is the time to discuss everything from discipline to sleep. You should be as receptive to her ideas as you would like her to respect yours. These are big conversations to have and any big differences in opinion should be discussed before your baby is born. Work out schedules for nights and days – yes, even when you’re working – and stick together through the early days while you figure all of this out.
Connect with each other
Physical touch with your baby includes skin to skin contact. It’s not just for mothers, you know! Strip your shirt off and place your diapered baby to your chest. Let them hear your heartbeat and soak up all of that new baby loveliness. Not only does this help your baby’s brain development, you’re going to feel that pull to your child and it’s going to change your brain chemistry. Not only do you need to connect with your newborn, you need to connect with your partner. Your heart will expand to love each other even more as the new people you’ve become, so don’t forget that when the baby is born – don’t forget your partner.
Keep talking!
From the moment you know that the baby is in your partner’s belly, talk to it. Talk to the little one from the moment you know it can hear you, feel the vibrations of your voice and then beyond that, too. When the baby is born, talk to the baby constantly. Narrate your day, your next moves, your feelings, the fact you think they’re the cutest in the world. Tell stories, talk about you, about them, sing songs. It’s all going to make you a familiar figure in the baby’s life going forward.
Go it alone
You won’t have to do it all the time, but sometimes you need to chuck your partner into a hot bath and have some one on one time with the baby. Yes, the baby may cry when they realize that you’re not the one with the milk. Yes, they may cry because separation anxiety is a thing. However, it’s going to be you creating moments of time alone together without interference that gets you the chance to forge a brand new relationship together. The simple moments of even getting your baby dressed without help will ensure that you both love each other and recognize each other.
Ask for help
As a new parent, you are going to need help and advice from time to time. Ask for it. Seek it out and don’t be afraid or ashamed of that fact. If people offer a hand, take it. Take the meals, the celebratory cigars at your newfound parenthood and make a point of letting people give you advice (even if you don’t take it). There is a lot of stigma surrounding the involvement of new fathers, but you don’t have to be a part of that. You can be that Dad that is happy and excited to learn about their new baby, and excited to be that supporter to their partner.
Don’t forget each other
As a new Dad you are going to be as immersed in your new baby as your partner is. That doesn’t mean that you should forget each other. Make time to check in on her and be her rock, and make time to ask how you can do more or be more. Ask how you can parent together and ask how she is doing and coping. Postpartum depression is very real and you should think about how you can mitigate it from happening!
Don’t forget yourself
Your whole life is about to change when you become a parent. You’re going to change as a person, your values might change and the way that you live your day to day life is filtered with a brand new perspective to consider. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first in this equation and don’t forget yourself in the equation, too. Looking after yourself and making better choices in your life to stay healthy is a must, too.
